Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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