I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
