tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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