If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
