I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
