Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
