Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
