I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
