you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
