omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
