When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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