he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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