I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
