Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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