I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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