just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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