every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
