I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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