It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please don't give away my fajitas
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
