I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
