I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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