Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
