I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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