i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
