It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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