I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
