He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
