you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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