my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
