They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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