I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
