1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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