I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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