I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
