I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
