They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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