You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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