we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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