Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
