I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
