When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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