So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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