i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
