I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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