My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
