you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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