I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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