I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
