Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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