it was like his penis was on wheels.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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