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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like how you're utilizing your resources

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• (212): View more from New York

  Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.

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• (448): View more from

  My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today

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• (661): View more from California

  She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I think he's only dating me for my ass...

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?

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• (607): View more from New York

  Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again

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• (904): View more from Florida

  It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.

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