a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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