So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
